"Hi and welcome to my top 30 1000 ways to die deaths".
"So let's begin".
30-waste dead:"Chris is a tiny man addicted to a new internet meme called planking (planking is where a person lies flat on their face in different areas". "A woman tries to steal back the playground but Chris shoos her away". "He finds a seesaw and decides to plank on it but is sent flying by a piece of icy rock onto the arch of the swingset and dies instantly".
29-habeas corpse:"Ian is a lawyer who always hits on the women". "He would pull a prank and jump at the window but it would always push him back". "Maybe the sleazebag lawyer ran out of luck because he kept on running and never stopped". "He smashed straight through the window and fell to his death".
28-verminated:"mort is a criminal who decides to hide in a drainage pipe"."He gets stuck however and can't get out and he apologies begs and cries". "And that night he gets eaten by a pack of rats and dies".